I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. — Quoted

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“I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.”

Demetri Martin · Politics

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Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

Car

Demetri Martin

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

Funny

Demetri Martin

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

Food

Demetri Martin

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

Money