Bill Maher

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Let's face it God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics, ' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'