“I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.”
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Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
