I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved som… — Quoted

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“I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.”

Mitch Hedberg · Life

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Mitch Hedberg

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Time

Mitch Hedberg

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Work

Mitch Hedberg

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Good

Mitch Hedberg

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

Love