“I never have plans for the future as you never know how things will turn out.”
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I was a quiet teenager, introverted, full of angst.
And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies.
You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be.