George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

At my age flowers scare me.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.