Bob Hope

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.