Adam Carolla

I don't know anything about computers.

I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

My first car was a motorcycle.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it.

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.