If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen
40 quotes by this author.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Marriage is the death of hope.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.