I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.
“My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.”
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Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
My main point is to be funny if I can slip a message in there, fine.