“I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.”
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I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.