When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. — Quoted

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“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

Rodney Dangerfield · Medical

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Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

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Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

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Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

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Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

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