“Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.”
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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.