I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with… — Quoted

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“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”

Billy Connolly · Funny

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Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Imagination

Billy Connolly

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Funny

Billy Connolly

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.

Time

Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage

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