“Only that thing is free which exists by the necessities of its own nature, and is determined in its actions by itself alone.”
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He alone is free who lives with free consent under the entire guidance of reason.
I would warn you that I do not attribute to nature either beauty or deformity, order or confusion. Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly, well-ordered or confused.
It's always easier if you have the support of your family, if you're not alone. I came from a country that has been through a lot of troubles in the last 20 to 30 years, but we have been through them together.
I think the Mother is gradually revealing itself to me and taking over. But it is not the Mother alone. It is the Mother and the Father, the male and the female, sort of gradually having their marriage.